


The Foolish Wedding Of A King & His Idiot

by PuyoLover39



Series: Frieza Visiting (Goku) Earth [7]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Cold likes Frieza being an evil little bean, Cooler and Cold are jerks, Cooler may not like Frieza but he can certainly read him, Established Relationship, Frieza is also still trying, Frieza is slightly less Tsundere, Friku, Goku and Chichi are divorced, Goku is trying guys, Humor, M/M, That poor priest, Vegeta loses it, a bit of action, wedding fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 15:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19429099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuyoLover39/pseuds/PuyoLover39
Summary: After Goku proposed to Frieza and they discussed having a small ceremony, the last thing the emperor expected was what he got. Of course, when dealing with Goku, that probably shouldn't have been a surprise anyway. Basically, it's finally the wedding fic people, and everything goes crazy.Can we count this as still being posted on June 30th? I tried posting it at 11:57pm, but my laptop lost connection and I had to redo everything.Thank you again Maggisakura for all your help. <3





	The Foolish Wedding Of A King & His Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, this took forever. I am deeply sorry. So much personal stuff happened, including a death in my family, but that is no excuse. This only got out when it did because the beautiful and kind Maggisakura helped me so much in editing and fixing grammar and even suggesting a few paragraphs. So a huge thanks again for that.

It wasn't shocking that Goku decided to pop in unannounced. It had more to do with  _ how _ he showed up that shocked the mighty emperor. One minute he was having a meeting with Berryblue on plans for future conquest and the next he was being chirped at excitedly whilst he was being dragged by the arm. Frieza heard a myriad of things that would have needed their own solitary conversations between the two of them but opening his mouth to protest at the words ‘fortune teller’ was useless as he felt Goku’s Instant Transportation whisk them away from his ship. 

His Saiyan  kept saying something about ‘a surprise’ and ‘their wedding’, which he had forgotten about entirely. Upon reaching Earth, when he was told to wait outside the hag’s building for a minute, he begrudgingly obeyed. The desert air was parched even in the lush oasis and his eyes wandered past the greenery and about the tops of the seemingly lifeless yellow dunes, though he knew that to be false. But the walkway’s tiles burned his soles and toes, and when he found his thoughts circling back to the skies and planets to be conquered - the morning discussion of all things - he knew his generosity had run almost completely dry, and he stormed in after the fool he had somehow fallen in love with. The thought alone stretched his mouth into a strained, sardonic line.

****

He was at the door when an explosion rocked the whole place. Frieza rushed inside to find out what exactly Goku had done now, but out of every possible situation that could have been happening, he had not predicted or even entertained the idea of what he saw. 

****

Inside the building that he was oh so familiar with, stood his soon to be husband who was facing down two figures he would recognize anywhere. His older brother and his father, one of whom was currently attacking his fool of a fiancé. The room was thick with animosity and words spewed in a whiny tone from Goku as he dodged the attempted strikes.

****

“I said I was sorry, okay!? But you left me no choice! Come on, can we just go and not fight? Frieza is waiting outside and he's not gonna wait forever!”

****

“I couldn't care less if that fool was left waiting all day! I will **_not_** play nice with one of the two Saiyans who killed me!”

****

The two were screaming at one another while his father stood off to the side, arms crossed and watching it all unfold with a bored expression. The scene left the tiny tyrant shell shocked and unable to move or say anything. As far as he knew, his family was still rotting away in Hell where they belonged. Although he had a pretty good idea of how the two had come to be here, even though  he didn’t see the hag responsible anywhere nearby .

****

However, that still didn’t explain the why; he didn’t need his kin alive any more than he needed Vegeta serving under him again. Both were relics of the past which he considered to be obsolete. It wasn't until he saw Cooler lunge at Goku again that he broke his silence, suddenly even more furious. 

****

“And just what the hell is going on here exactly?!” He immediately had the whole room’s attention, each person looking at him with a different expression. Goku winced, Cooler glared harshly, and Cold gave a blank gaze. 

****

“Ah, my son. So nice of you to join us. This Saiyan has been spinning quite the tale about you.” Drawled the older man.

****

“Frieza…” Cooler deflated slightly, voice coming out in a breathless hiss, yet his gaze was sharp and judging. 

****

“Ah! Frieza! You were supposed to wait  _ outside _ !” Goku whined, focus leaving Cooler entirely, as he gave a wide-eyed gaze to his lover. 

****

With the three all addressing him at once, Frieza was almost unsure of what to do or who to answer first. His instinct had always been to cater to his father first and ignore his brother if at all possible, but times had changed. The emperor crossed his arms and gave his desired mate a tired glare.

****

“I believe you said to give you a minute and it has been nearly ten. So do forgive me if I arrived earlier than you would have liked, but I think I waited long enough.”

****

Goku flinched as he rubbed the back of his head, looking away as his body sagged a bit under his lover's withering stare. Seeing this, Frieza sighed and turned his attention to his family. 

****

“Hello father,  _ dear _ brother. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

****

King Cold spared his youngest a second of appraising before turning his gaze over toward Goku. 

****

“I believe you have him to thank for all this.”

****

Of course he did. Goku was quite possibly the only person in the universe who could be dumb enough to fetch these two from the depths of the underworld. 

****

“I see. I believe an explanation is in order, monkey.”

****

The fact that Goku’s mouth twitched up into a toothy grin clued Frieza in that the man was nervous. 

****

“Oh! Right. Well, for starters, umm, surprise? I asked Baba to get them out of Hell for a day so that they could be with you on your special day.”

****

Frieza couldn't stop himself from sighing heavily at the words he had just heard. He distinctly recalled himself and Goku agreeing to not make this a huge affair. Yet here he was, making it anything but small. Sometimes he truly felt as if he were dealing with a child that constantly tried his patience.

****

“And why on Earth did you do that?” He asked tiredly.

****

“Because it's important to share such a big event with your family. It's tradition.”

****

“Funny, I could have sworn we had this talk already and I believe I told you then too that I do not care for Earth's traditions and customs. Besides, if you were so set on traditions, then why did you not send that woman to fetch your own father and brother instead of mine? Or perhaps, even your mother?”

****

“Well, that's easy. I never knew my parents, and the last time I saw my brother was when he kidnapped Gohan and tried to get me to kill everyone on Earth. But you knew your family and spent a lot of time with them, right?”

****

The diminutive dictator simply nodded, which was all the encouragement Goku needed to continue despite their audience. 

****

“I wanted you to be happy, and I remembered you saying you wanted to do this the way you royals would but you didn't know how. So I thought maybe your dad could help us?”

****

If the emperor weren’t so prideful, he would admit to his lover just how deeply touched he was. He could have sworn his heart stopped for a second, he was always surprised by just how much Goku actually cared about him. 

****

Before he and his Saiyan began their courting, his heart, no his very  _ soul, _ had been caged in an ice that only grew colder the more he was around his family and other people he had to impress. Never before had he felt compelled to thaw it for any reason, nor had it been in danger of melting from something as asinine as someone else’s dry commentary or thoughtfulness other snakes spat out; there was only room for promotions and things to be gained in his army and life. The best Frieza had was loyal underlings which could be counted on the fingers on both of his hands.

****

For Goku to be so concerned about him was new – refreshing - which meant it was also incredibly embarrassing. But mostly it was endearing, enough so that he decided it best to swallow his pride and thank the man.

****

“Thank you Goku, that was very considerate of you. However, perhaps next time you could discuss your  _ brilliant _ idea a bit further with me instead of trying to make it a surprise, yes?”

****

“Oh, haha, yeah, no problem. I will totally do that next time.”

****

The tyrant gave the other a crooked smile before he was interrupted by his older brother whose voice had gained a poisonous edge as he growled out at Frieza.

****

“Perhaps you would care to enlighten us what this ‘special day’ is little brother. I hope for your sake it has something to do with finally ridding the universe of this vermin. Otherwise I will have to start questioning your mental faculties.” Cooler straightened his back and looked at Frieza like he was his lesser.

****

“Now, now,” Cold tutted, yet he too remained grave. “I’m sure Frieza has a perfectly good reason, I hope.” 

****

Frieza, who was normally one to drag out his words, felt this situation best called for quick action. Like one would rip off a bandage instead of peeling it off slowly, he cut to the chase.

****

“Father, brother, I have decided to take Goku as my mate.”

****

The response was instantaneous. Cold was shocked into silence and could only stare wide eyed at his youngest son. Cooler however, had no such problems, as he was quick to blow up at the younger Ice-jin. 

****

“HA! You cannot possibly be serious little brother. You? Bound to a monkey? Oh, and it’s not just any monkey. A super monkey who has killed us both, and stripped away the honor from our family! Even you are not dumb enough to attach yourself to someone as repulsive as this Frieza.” The man’s voice held a note of forced lightheartedness to it, as if he were making himself laugh because it was the only way to hold back his anger. Of course that didn’t last long when he saw that Frieza was not laughing, and instead frowned and spoke seriously. “Best put an end to this joke now, because it is  _ far _ from funny, little brother.” He gritted his teeth together.

****

Frieza simply scowled at the taller Ice-jin; he knew his brother would be a prick about this. His brother was always a prick to him about everything. He hoped his father could tell he was serious about his words but those hopes were quickly dashed.

****

“I am inclined to agree, Frieza. I simply cannot consent to such a union. You? Taking a Saiyan of all things as a mate, especially one as low class as he clearly is…it is unacceptable. You should know better, Frieza. If you wish to have a partner, I must insist you find one of a higher standing. At least then you could get something from them, land, technology, anything is better than nothing.”

****

Cooler was quick to chime back in, holding no hesitation in kicking Frieza while he was down. “Or better yet, remain solitary. That way you have full sovereignty and no pesky spouse to have to share control with.”

****

The smallest member of the family could only cross his arms tighter and deepen his scowl. His fists clenched in the hold in a desire to fight as he glared at the ground in frustration. He felt like a child all over again, being grilled by his know-it-all older brother and his pushover of a father. 

****

Apparently, his displeasure was obvious enough for even Goku to notice, as he decided now was as good a time as any to step up beside Frieza and toss in his two cents, as his eyes hardened into a serious look and began staring down Cooler.

****

“Hey. I know we’ve had our differences in the past and I get that you don’t like me, but that’s no reason to call Frieza dumb. You’re his older brother, aren’t you? You should be nicer to him.” 

****

In the dimly lit room, Goku’s back stood straight. Frieza felt camaraderie for the Saiyan rise up inside him ever so slightly, even though his actions annoyed the smaller male a bit. 

****

As nice as it was to have Goku stick up for him and show him that he was not alone in this situation, that things were different as he was no longer a child who had to take this treatment, it created a small rift inside Frieza’s head. He was not the type of person to like having his battles fought for him. Especially not when he was perfectly capable of fighting them himself, no matter who the opponent happened to be. 

****

When he turned to tell Goku as much, he saw that the other was genuinely upset and invested in this conversation now. Maybe it was because he was having flashbacks of his own older brother or maybe it was just another way of showing he cared. But right now, it didn’t matter what the reason was, Goku needed to calm down. 

****

So Frieza huffed and plastered on a haughty, instantly drawing his partner’s attention and calming him down. Whenever he smirked and acted cocky, it was a sign that he felt he was in control, bringing a sense of familiarity to the situation which seemed to reassure Goku just enough for him to drop his own hostility and gaze curiously at him.

****

“My dear Goku, I’m afraid you do not understand our situation. You see, we are royals. We have our own traditions for family involvement in important events. Typically the eldest child would inherit the throne from the current ruler, which is in our case means our father over there. Some would base it off of sex when they prefer a female head, while others value a male ruler, so they would choose by the first born of that gender and vice versa. But, if the younger happens to be seen as a better fit to rule - smarter or stronger - they will be selected for the position over the eldest child as the head of the family. That just so happens to be the case here. Cooler is simply acting like a child and throwing a tantrum because daddy recognized my superiority.” He finished his speech with a pointed sneer at his brother who instantly rose to the bait, shooting off a comeback at a lightning speed.

****

“That is not true and you know it! The only reason you got the crown is because of the fact that you clung to father like a leech and whined until he gave it to you!”

****

Frieza growled, all signs of cockiness vanishing at once as he glared venomously at the taller royal. “I did no such thing! Are you sure you're not thinking of yourself,  _ brother _ ?”

****

Just as it seemed like the two would lunge at each other, a loud and commanding voice boomed through the room and cut their quarrel short.

****

“ENOUGH! How disrespectful, that you two would do this in front of me is shameful enough, but to show such weakness before this Saiyan? It is beyond words. You are both acting like children and I will not tolerate it. You will both cease this nonsense at once! Do I make myself clear?”

****

Goku blinked in shock and confusion as he watched both brothers flinch and fall silent as they glared at the ground, unable to say anything to their father. He was left unsure of what to do or say, leaving him to stare on in silence as the tallest in the room sighed and turned back to Frieza.

****

“Now, Frieza, we cannot allow you to disgrace our family by wedding some ape. Surely you must see that there is nothing to be gained from the pairing, and even if there were something, it would most likely not be worth it. The fact that you have slipped so far as to even consider this courtship, leaves me feeling as though you are unfit to rule. So if you truly wish to retain your title, and you understand what the problem is, then hurry up and prove yourself by getting rid of him. Trash like this has no place among us.”

****

The scowl on the small dictator’s face was solid and sure as he glared up at the former emperor. The two stood, gazing at one another with hostility in their eyes and silence in the air. Finally, it was broken by the youngest in the family. 

****

“Father, I am not stupid. I realize that there is nothing to gain from him. At least not what you would typically expect. But what you do not seem to understand is that I am not looking to gain anything for any political reason from him. I am simply doing this because I wish to.” 

****

The oldest narrowed his scarlet orbs, gazing skeptically at his second son as he attempted to read him. Frieza didn't falter, however, instead choosing to calmly and sternly return the look.

****

After a few moments, shock started to settle into the former king as he gradually began to understand that his son was entirely serious. His son's chosen partner had come to stand right behind Frieza, giving Cold a serious look of his own. They were presented as a united front once more. The view sent a tremor down the ex-ruler's back.

****

“Oh?” Cold drawled. “And if I were to say that what you want has no merit here, what would you do? How would you respond if I told you that I would be forced to rescind your position?” 

At that moment, Cooler stepped forward and raised a hand, nodding at his father who copied the action in return. The elder sibling then began charging a small blast, aiming it directly at the unflinching Frieza. 

****

The Saiyan gave a warning growl, stepping up as well to respond to the threat. Goku’s Ki flared up around him, only to be halted by the smallest Ice-jin sticking an arm out to block him. Frieza's eyes never once leaving his father's.

****

“Then I would simply have to respond by saying that I was so sorry, but I would not allow any opposition. Not even from you. I am the emperor of the universe; I take what I want regardless of others’ opinions. If you truly wish to try to take my title away from me, then you are perfectly free to do so, but do know that I will just have to send you back whence you came from.” 

****

As the last of his words flew from his lips, his eyes sharpened. It felt as if the temperature in the room dropped drastically in correspondence to Frieza’s glare as it intensified. His father responded in kind, crossing his arms, and after a moment he closed his eyes. 

****

The former emperor began to shake as a chuckle tore through the room, shocking Goku into dropping his energy.

****

“So cruel! You would really kill your own father!” He exclaimed, chuckles turning into full on laughter. Once his mirth subsided, he shook his head with a cruel grin on his face and nodded. 

****

“Very well Frieza, you may do as you please. I am relieved to see you have not gone soft after all.” 

****

Cold and Frieza both smirked at each other, a silent conversation seeming to pass between them, as they both nodded once more at each other in understanding. As soon as they did so, Frieza removed his arm from Goku's path and crossed the appendage across his chest, before dipping forward a tad in a sarcastic bow.

****

“Thank you, father. I shall do just that. And of course, you needn't worry about me going soft. It is simply not in my nature to roll over for anyone.”

****

While the two emperors were both content, there were still two left in the room that were not quite there, namely the other ice-jin. While Goku was still extremely lost, he was at least able to sense that the hostility and danger that Cold previously held was gone, meaning he could drop his defensive stance.

****

It's just too bad that Cooler was not so easily pacified. The man growled harshly as he cast an accusatory look at his dad. “Father! You cannot possibly be serious! Surely you jest, you would not actually bind these two fools, would you?!”

****

The King gave a withering glance at his oldest son, causing Cooler to flinch and seize up. 

****

“Be quiet. If anyone here is a fool, it is you. You are acting like a spoiled brat that didn't get his way. Just leave it be.”

****

“W-what?”

****

Cold gestured vaguely at Goku with an incline of his head, and gave his son a flat look.

****

“That ape is clearly stronger than us - you do not need a scouter to tell that. Even if we did oppose them, it would be for naught. So why bother struggling uselessly? Just relent my son.”

****

As undignified as it was, especially for a royal like him, Cooler couldn't help but sputter indignantly. He simply could not accept his foolish little brother soiling their names any further. He would rather die one hundred times over. He raised angry eyes to his father once more, planning to voice more complaints, until Cold growled in warning and cut him off before he could even begin. 

****

“Enough! I did not raise you to give me such backtalk boy! You are to keep quiet and behave, is that clear?”

****

Upon seeing the hostility return, albeit now being directed at the older ice-jin, Goku took the chance to step forward once more and present an idea of his own.

****

"Um, look, if you really hate me so much that you can't accept this, then how about you fight me for it? We can have a quick spar and if you win, then I'll give up on this. But if I win, you have to be a nice supportive big brother and accept this. So how 'bout it?" 

****

The simple simian expected the plum colored being to jump at the chance to knock him around some and he didn't think anyone would have a problem with the proposal as the ice-jin family was known for being cruel. Yet all he got from Cooler was an angry growl and a glare. It was the look of someone who had been insulted, which made no sense to Goku, who felt he had been very generous in his offer. This left the poor Saiyan confused and lost until his lover stepped up with a scoff. 

****

"I am afraid that will not do a thing to quell my dear brother's rage, Goku. For as different as we are, there is one thing that rings true for us both and that nothing short of killing you could absolve his hatred."

****

A moment before all hell broke loose from a single question; a question muttered in an innocent yet steady tone.

****

"Well, then why not do it?" Asked Goku. He turned to face Cooler once more while he ignored the way his husband to be spun around to give him a horrified look. 

****

"What?!" The cry of outrage and shock, fell on deaf ears, as Goku simply waltzed up to his soon to be brother in law.

****

"Hey Cooler, would killing me really make you feel better? 'Cuz if so, then go for it."

****

At the same time that a screech of "Absolutely not!" could be heard from Frieza, there was also a chuckle of intrigue that rang through the stony walls coming from Cooler.

****

"Oh? Are you sure Saiyan? Because if so, I will not refuse."

****

The smirk on his face as he leaned down to look Goku in the eye promised death . A painful, slow and torturous death. Frieza could spot the visible message from a mile away and he did not like it one bit. He wasted no time in storming his way up to stand between his brother and fiancé, a bone chilling glare planted firmly on his countenance. 

****

"So sorry dear brother, but I am going to have to be the only one with a brain and put a stop to this before it begins. You see, only I am permitted to end this man's life, no matter what he says."

****

The two held a silent battle between their eyes, daring each other to make a move, both promising that no punches would be pulled should they start anything. 

****

Of course, this was lost on Goku and he began to whine like the child he often acted like. 

****

"Aw, but Frieza, why not? If it'll get him to calm down enough, he will back off and let us do this! I don't mind a quick trip to otherworld."

****

Without even turning around to face him, the lizard answered shortly. "Except for the fact that you would be dead and unable to be present for our joining, making this all a moot point."

****

"We have Dragon Balls! You could always just wish me back and then we could get on with the wedding."

****

At this time, Goku found his wrist swiftly encircled by a snow white tail. Said tail gave a warning squeeze, showing the irritation of its owner.

****

"I see, and how would you propose I find them? Hm? It’s not as if I possess that blasted radar that you and your little entourage use to locate them, and  I highly doubt that woman would simply hand it over to me." Each word spoken seemed to be dripping with venomous quality. And yet the Saiyan paid it no mind, instead choosing to foolishly press on. 

****

"Why not? She seems alright with you now. I mean, at least since she knows you're with me anyway. She knows you aren't going to do anything bad to any of us, so why wouldn't she let you borrow the radar? You're basically one of us now."

****

The tyrant sighed and gave his brother one last glare before turning around to face his lover. "Perhaps it's because I have killed her mate before, you know not all creatures are as blindly forgiving as you are Goku."

****

The man flinched and rubbed his head sheepishly. "Oh, yeah that's true. But still, that's all in the past, and she’s seemed alright with you lately."

****

"Being 'alright with me' does not mean that she trusts me. She would most likely assume I had some nefarious scheme in mind and would be unwilling to assist in my diabolical plans. Even you do not trust me to make a wish on my own."

****

"But again, that was in the past! I trust you now! So why wouldn't she?"

****

"Because she is not the one marrying me you fool! Enough!  Any more of this asinine back and forth, and I may just end up killing you myself! You are not to let yourself be slain by anyone. You shall only fall in battle against me. Do I make myself clear Saiyan?"

****

From the tone he used, Goku could tell that his threat was not empty. It was the kind of tone that promised a death beam to the shoulder if he even tried to say anything other than yes. So instead, he nodded.

****

"Good. Now, as for you brother.” Frieza turned to face Cooler. “You are not killing him, no matter what. Should you even attempt such an action, you will find out just how much stronger I truly am compared to you. He is mine and I do not tolerate people trying to steal from me."

****

His brother only scoffed, arms crossed as he gazed at the emperor, completely unfazed by his blatant threats. Finally, their father spoke up to end their squabbling. 

****

"If you two are so intent on fighting, then you may as well go at it for real. I realize this is not going to end until one of you has been beaten into submission, so you may as well get it over with."

****

The two looked at their father, side-eyed each other, then nodded with smirks on their faces as they made their way outside. King Cold and a nervous Goku followed soon after. By the time the two spectators were outside, the brothers were already high up in the sky, exchanging blows and blasts alike. 

****

The youngest Ice-jin's soon-to-be-spouse began to casually chat with his companion about how they would control the battle to keep the two from killing each other. Only for the other man to state that he would just let them fight it out until they were pacified, leaving Goku to chuckle nervously. A loud scream drew the Saiyan's attention back to the sky, where he saw Frieza throw a hefty kick to the side of Cooler's head. 

****

The older of the two siblings growled in response, as he rushed forward to punch his little brother, only to have his fist caught by a hand. He in turn caught a punch from Frieza as well, and the two ended up wrestling against each other. The water around Baba’s compound swirled and waves rose to wet the promenades.

****

It was then that Goku saw the two begin arguing again, but with the distance between them he couldn't make out what they were saying. This gave the two brothers a perfect chance to hash things out.

****

"Why him? He is a Saiyan, you HATE Saiyans!"

****

"Yes, that is true. For a time, I did hate him with every fiber of my being, but I have moved on. I successfully achieved my vengeance and sated my rage. Of course there are still times when that man thoroughly grates on my nerves, but that does not mean I do not enjoy his company for the most part. I suppose it is true that with age comes wisdom, as I have realized that there is not a single person that does not wear on my patience to some degree."

****

Cooler, using his superior size to his advantage, forced his little brother to release him by pushing against his chest with his feet. This was followed up by a quick Ki sphere to the gut.

****

"If that is the case, then by that logic should you not wed everyone in existence?"

****

Frieza swiftly knocked the sphere to the side and shot off a few death beams to counter his opponent's own beams that were being fired at him. "Very funny dear brother, but I am not joining myself to him because he irks me."

****

Thin red beams clashed and canceled each other out on contact, neither brother pulling any punches as they went at it. 

****

"Then I suppose I'm meant to believe it is because you enjoy his company? I know you are not the brightest little brother, but I am aware that you at least understand that enjoying his company does not require that you be bound to him as his mate for life. So why?! For what reason do you wish to be with him after he has sullied our names and slain us both?!"

****

As if something in him had snapped, the smaller of the two growled and shot forward, energy swelling around him as he burst into his golden form, landing a painful punch to his brother's left cheek. 

****

"Because I like him, okay!? I loathe to admit it but I have grown fond of that monkey to the point that it would be foolish to deny it! He is one of the few people in the entirety of the cosmos that I know I can trust and let my guard down around. With him I am safe, I can relax and take comfort in the knowledge that he is also not in this courtship for any ulterior motives."

****

His brother was shocked into silence and he could only blink in surprise, rendered unable to move from the news he was hearing. Meanwhile, Frieza had no such problem, simply continuing his unrelenting assault both physically and verbally. He screamed as he delivered a flurry of punches to the taller male and began to drive Cooler further and further back.

****

"His presence has become something I look forward to! What we are doing holds no bearing on my enjoyment! I know he is loyal to me and he is quite the powerful individual, which you know I do so adore! He is far from the worst looking ape I have ever encountered! Even his less desirable qualities are tolerable! Such as his naivety and forgiving attitude, his constant cheerful kindness, his cheeky monkey behavior and his insatiable thirst for battle! Having a strong, loyal, and caring individual as my own, in my opinion, is in no way a disadvantage. So then, why should I not bind myself to him? It’s not as if it will even last for too terribly long, seeing as his lifespan is so pitifully short compared to ours, so why will you not just **_back_** **_off_** and let me have my way?!"

****

The stunned silence that followed seemed to last for hours, when in reality only a moment had passed. Cooler couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. Frieza, his brat of a little brother, had just thrown a tantrum  _ on behalf of someone else. _ He wasn't just angry for himself - no, he was angry that his chosen mate was being alienated and spurned. 

****

As much as Cooler hated his brother's chosen partner, this was a much-welcomed display. It showed that Frieza had matured, at least a bit in some ways. For as long as he could recall, his brother had only ever been a selfish and spoiled brat. But now he had grown, and while caring for others wasn't exactly helpful when being a ruthless emperor, perhaps it meant that he had become more patient and willing to listen to others, which would be quite beneficial. 

****

But the biggest thing that he got from this was that his little brother was dealing with far more than a simple crush. And he didn't even know it. That, or he was either too proud to admit it. Frieza didn't want to tarnish his image.

****

"Frieza… Do you... _ love _ that Saiyan?"

****

Frieza's crimson orbs shot wide open, he flinched back as if he had been physically struck, before recovering from the verbal blow and growling back. 

****

"What?! Ridiculous! What nonsense are you spouting now dear brother? Me? _Love_ **_him_**?! That's preposterous! You of all people should know that I am incapable of feeling that particular emotion. I do not love anything."

****

Cooler studied his brother carefully, eyes roaming his entire form. Frieza was in a defensive position, and not just because they were in the middle of a battle. His eyes were flashing wildly, as if he had been caught with his hand in the metaphorical cookie jar and decided to respond with anger and lies rather than come clean. He was hoping he could intimidate him into not digging any further for the truth. He was sweating, body shaking in anger as well as fear. 

****

This told the older man everything he needed to know. Frieza was not only denying it to him, but also partly in himself. Now Cooler had a choice: he could try to pry further and determine how deep this  _ 'love' _ ran, then depending on what he found, see if he could convince Frieza he should call this whole thing off. Or, he could leave the other well alone with his repressed truths and whatnot. 

****

While Cooler was pondering his options, Frieza, having had enough of his silence and unconvinced looks, growled once more and charges forward. 

****

"Very well, if you won't attack, I will!"

****

Meanwhile, four new arrivals touched down below. Gohan, Goten, Piccolo and Vegeta all arrived on the scene, curious and concerned about the two power levels they detected near Goku, the prince himself being the first one to rush up, pull the man aside and then drill the orange clad fool for answers.

****

"Kakarot, just what the hell is going on around here?! Why are Frieza's father and brother here!? I know his father is dead! Trunks made sure of that." He whispered harshly. Goku simply raised his hands in a placating manner and looked to his son for help. He was only met with stern and concerned looks from Gohan and Piccolo, while Goten looked more curious. The Saiyan sighed and resigned himself to explain, knowing that Vegeta would not be happy.

****

"Look, they're not here to cause trouble, okay? I had Baba bring them here because I wanted Frieza to be able to see his family and have them with him today."

****

"Oh? So what, you think just because you've become all 'buddy-buddy' with Frieza, that his family will follow suit? That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard Kakarot! And why is today so much more important than any other day?!"

****

As the adults talked, Goten got progressively more bored and shifted his attention elsewhere. The tall man with the horns standing not far away from them captured his intrigue. The boy backed away from the group and raced over to the scowling man.

****

"Woah. You're really tall! Hi! My name's Goten!"

****

The man glanced down at the boy and narrowed his eyes, before casting a look over at the group, then looked back at the child with a glint of understanding in his old eyes. His silence did nothing to dissuade the boy's curiosity however, as he only increased his efforts.

****

"Your face looks kinda like my dad's boyfriend’s, except he doesn't have horns, who are you?"

****

Finally, the king hummed and decided to respond. 

****

"Ah, I thought your appearance was rather similar to that Saiyan's. You truly are his son. Fascinating. He must have bred with a human already before choosing to look elsewhere for a mate. You are speaking of my son Frieza, yes? He only seems different right now because he is currently not in his base form. Our race is able to transform and alter our appearances, not unlike your own race. I am King Cold, the previous ruler of the cosmos."

****

The man punctuated his words with a half bow, cape fluttering with his movements. This caught the child's eye rather quickly, as he let out a loud sound of awe and dashed forward to grab it.

****

"You have a cape?! My older brother wears a cape sometimes too! But it looks kinda lame when he does it. Hey, does this mean that you're my new grandpa?"

****

The lad began to rapid fire questions at the oldest Ice-jin, as he moved from playing with his cape, to climbing on him and marveling at his horns, much to the disdain of the man. This was when Gohan took notice of his missing little brother and scanned the area for him, only to nearly have a heart attack when he saw him sitting on the alien's shoulder. The half breed wasted no time in shooting over and grabbing the smaller Son, clutching him protectively against his chest as he bowed his head and apologized profusely to the king. 

****

"I am so sorry, sir. My brother didn't mean any harm, he's just a curious little kid. Isn't that right Goten? Apologize now."

****

The boy gave a pout, but upon seeing his brother glaring at him, he mumbled out an apology. This sparked something in the retired ruler, as his eyes softened up a fraction.

****

"Ah, so you two are brothers. I wish my sons were able to get along as well as you do, but alas, all they do is waste my time by squabbling like children."

****

The horned man glared up at the sky, drawing the attention of the two half Saiyans to the fight as well. Both looked on in confusion for a moment before the youngest jumped at the realization of what the ex-emperor had said.

****

"Wait! You mean I have an uncle?! That's so cool!" 

****

The child began squirming in his brothers hold, fighting to get free so he could go see the man and introduce himself. 

****

"Ugh! Hey! Goten! Knock it off!"

****

"No! Put me down!"

****

"Are you crazy? You see they're in the middle of something! Just- Ah! Hey!!"

****

Goten, refusing to listen, continued to thrash and kick, landing a solid strike to his brothers chin with his head. As soon as he was free, the little tyke exploded into action, flying right up between the two siblings and causing them to pause their battle once again.

****

"Hi there! I'm Goten! What's your name? Are you an emperor too? Is it true that you're going to be my uncle?!"

****

Both men blinked in shock, not having expected the interruption at all, let alone the bombardment of queries pouring from the boy's mouth. Frieza, however, recovered swiftly enough as he was already fairly used to the child and his antics. 

****

"Child, what do you think you are doing?! Can you not see we are in the middle of something? Now is not the time for you to be rushing in spewing endless inquiries!"

****

Goten flinched, all excitement draining from his face as he turned away from Cooler and ducked his head. 

****

"Aww, but papa-"

****

"I will have no backtalk! Blindly rushing into the middle of a battle is likely to result in injury or death! I understand you take after your father in that way, but you must be more conscious than that. You could certainly learn a thing or two from your older brother. Now, I want to hear that you understand and will remember this in the future."

****

The lad frowned, but nodded. "Yes sir, I promise I'll try not to let my excitement get the better of me again, I'm sorry."

****

The emperor hummed and gave a nod of his own. Hands on his hips as he chastised the child. 

****

"Good, now get out of our way and go find your father."

****

Goten pouted once again but nodded all the same. Bowing to both men and heading back to his dad's side. Cooler watched the exchange in shock, but kept his wits about him. Analyzing the entire situation and paying close attention to detail, including the fact that the boy had called Frieza  _ papa _ and didn’t seem to be afraid of him, he pondered Frieza’s actions.

****

Cooler continued to stare at the two in silence as his brother watched the boy – Goten - fly off and gave a small huff with a shake of his head, not blasting the boy or harming him in anyway, before dropping back into his usual fighting stance. 

****

"Now, where were we? Oh yes, that's right, I believe I was just about to put an end to this whole charade."

****

Cooler flicked his schooled gaze over to the boy, ignoring Frieza's bait entirely. "That boy. He is obviously related to that Saiyan you are so enamored with."

****

"What? Yes, that boy is his second son. The resemblance is almost uncanny. Thankfully he didn't seem to inherit anything from his mother."

****

Instantly, Cooler turned a hard and serious look back at his younger brother, arms crossed. 

****

"I see, and if I'm not mistaken, that brat called you his 'papa'."

****

Frieza blinked in confusion for a moment, before his eyes widened in horror. He growled under his breath about having a talk with the boy later but said nothing to his brother, so Cooler pushed on.

****

"You even went so far as to scold him as if you actually  _ were _ his parent, showing that you hold some degree of care for him, that you have accepted the boy, possibly even both of the Saiyan’s sons as your own."

****

Frieza's glare was as icy as his eyes were red. He wasn't sure where his brother was going with this, but if he even thought about trying anything, if he gave any indication that he meant to harm that boy in anyway, he would not hold anything back. 

****

"That is quite the observation, very well, I see no reason not to tell you. You are correct, I have taken the two of them under my wing, so to speak. You know how I enjoy projects and they do possess a fair amount of potential. Perhaps the youngest will even serve in my army someday. He may not seem like the ideal soldier currently but with time, I'm sure I can whip him into shape. The boy is actually able to transform into a Super Saiyan. A trivial feat now, but still quite impressive for his age. He may even grow to surpass his father one day."

****

Cooler sighed and shook his head, raising his arms in a shrug. "I am done."

****

"W-What?!"

****

"I have grown tired of these games, Frieza. Let us just get this over with so I may return to hell."

****

The look of fury and confusion on the smaller male's face was crystal clear. But it didn't take long before it morphed into one of false confidence. 

****

"Oh, I understand. You have finally come to realize my power and have conceded clearly in an attempt to save face. Hahaha! I must say brother, this is by far the smartest decision you have made all day!"

****

The tyrant punctuated his remark with a loud laugh, head held high and mouth smirking. His brother simply rolled his eyes, seeing what Frieza was doing, but refusing to rise to the bait. Instead, he decided to lower himself to the ground and make his way to his father's side, which made Frieza follow his suit in powering down from his golden form and drop to the ground as well, albeit with a scowl. 

****

It was then that Frieza saw Vegeta and Goku arguing. He was tempted to saunter over and see what the two were squabbling about, but whatever the verbal war was about, it seemed to end the very second that Goku looked up and made eye contact with him. The Saiyan gave the Prince a serious look, a clap on the shoulder and a friendly wave, before rushing over to stand by the emperor's side with a smile.

****

"Now then, I trust you will hold no more opposition to this Cooler?" King Cold spoke.

****

"Yes, father. I am done wasting time on this matter. I realize that Frieza is determined to ruin this family once and for all no matter what I say or do. So let us get this over with already."

****

The King nodded and turned his attention from his older son to his younger one and then to his son's soon-to-be-mate. 

****

"Very well, you two wish to know what the procedure is for taking a permanent partner, is that right?"

****

The two nodded, silently staring up at the taller alien. The man sighed, eyes sliding closed, tail swishing slowly behind him. 

****

"The truth is, there is no set way of doing things. Each royal clan has its own approach to the matter. Some choose more intimate acts like sharing their scent. This method is typically done by sharing hygiene products like soaps and even just by being in close contact often enough that one's scent rubs off on the other, most often by sharing a bed. Another option would be to simply combine crests. Most royals choose this method because it allows them to hold a grand ceremony between their two people and form a union smoothly. It’s much more professional, fast and clean way of doing things. It allows both parties to show their allegiance to their partner without having to get close. But this is almost always done between two parties who hold no affection for the other, and since you seem so keen on going through with this because of your 'feelings, I doubt this is what you are looking for."

****

The glare he leveled the two younger men with could freeze Hell itself. His eyes, while calm on the surface, contained a fury deep down that promised this would never be forgotten, nor would it ever truly be accepted. The flames of hatred and anger burned steadily, as if to show that should the owner of those eyes ever gain enough power, he would deliver excruciating pain upon the two before him.

****

Frieza and Goku remained unfazed despite the harshness hidden in the gaze. Frieza simply because he was confident in his strength and due to the fact that his father would be cast back into Hell for the rest of eternity after this day was done. Meaning he would never have the chance to even attempt to harm either of them. Goku was simply used to the look. He and Frieza hadn't always been on such decent terms. He could still remember every look, every fight, every shout of anger and promises of revenge delivered between them. If anything, in place of what should have been fear, he felt only the excitement of a possible challenge. 

****

When the king saw that two remained unaffected by his stare, he continued on.

****

"Not that all who use their clan's crest have loveless unions. Some will combine crests to show they are joined, but still give their lover something with just their crest on it to display possession and to protect them. I have also heard rumors about some performing a blood pact as another alternative. The two involved would drink some of their chosen partner's blood, that way they would always be a part of each other. But I have never met anyone foolish or uncivilized enough to employ this method. And while you Saiyans might be uncouth enough to do so, Frieza was raised better than that. Should you choose to pursue this method, I will have to step in."

****

Frieza simply raised a hand and shook his head. 

****

"Worry not father, I would never stoop to something so depraved and animalistic. Not for any reason, under any circumstance, would I ever consume blood. The mere thought of it has bile running up my throat."

****

The man nodded sagely, seemingly pleased to see that his son hadn't disregarded everything he had been taught. 

****

"Good. Now then, the only other way to universally show a binding that I can recall at the moment, would be to have a child together." 

****

Out of the corner of his eye, Goku saw Frieza flinch. He then saw the father and son exchange pointed looks for a moment, before the older of the two continued on.

****

"But that method does not have any benefits for you two. It is always a double-edged sword, as it gives an heir to the couple, but it also puts a very obvious target on their backs. A child is a weak spot that any assassin or rivaling clan would easily hone in on. As well as the fact that some unions fall through, which leaves the severed couple in a war over who gets to keep the child as the heir to their clan. Yes, children are quite the messy ordeal. But still a necessary one for any larger clan eventually."

****

A light growl of warning filled the air as Frieza and his father once again had a staredown. Goku looked between the two in confusion, unsure of what was going on or what to do. Eventually Frieza shook his head with a sigh and turned to face Goku.

****

"Very well, I suppose we will just have to adapt the crest method to fit our needs. As such, you will have to wear the symbol of the Frieza Force at all times from now on Goku."

****

The Saiyan tilted his head, blinking owlishly for a moment, before realization dawned on him and he grinned. "Does that mean I'm part of your army and have to go work for you now?"

****

The Ice-jin smirked at the man, tail swishing pleasantly as he narrowed his eyes at the simian.

****

"What was it you said before? About not taking me away from what I enjoy? That applies here as well. I have a feeling that if I forced you into that lifestyle, we would only be at each other's throats again. Besides, you would most likely make a terrible soldier. I doubt you would follow my orders, and even if you did, you are quite the imbecile and I could see you finding a way to mess up even the simplest of tasks. That does not mean that I will not put you to work however. Should I find my men to be unqualified in the strength department, I will certainly employ your power."

****

A loud bubbly laugh burst from the orange gi-clad male, lifting the oppressive atmosphere at least for him and his lover. King Cold and his oldest son still seemed irritated, but if they had anything to say, they kept it to themselves.

****

"Now, as for your Earth bonding system, you said you had it handled. What does that entail exactly?"

****

"Oh yeah! Hey Gohan, remember when I asked you to take care of all that legal stuff for me?"

****

Everyone turned to face the glasses wearing man, as he jumped slightly at being addressed. 

"Huh? You mean the paperwork for the marriage license? Yeah, I took care of that. You’re all good to go. Although, it was really tough trying to do it since Frieza didn't have any proof of citizenship or even any proof of existing on this planet. I ended up having to get Mr. Satan to help me out."

****

"Great! Then we're all set right?"

****

The young man nodded, explaining that the only left was the ceremony. They only had to go to the chapel and have a priest wed them. He told them it was optional, that the paperwork was all done and that was what legally declared their marriage. But Goku insisted that since everyone was already there, they should go. Frieza didn't argue. The only one who even voiced displeasure was Vegeta, screaming about how wrong it was, and how Goku was an idiot. But he still followed when the group took to the air and headed for the church. It wasn't until they landed and Gohan had gone inside to get the priest to join the two aliens in holy matrimony, that Vegeta really blew his top.

****

"Kakarot, I’m _disgusted_ by you right now! You must know that Frieza is only playing you! If you are married to him, then you can't fight him. You would never kill your husband, _would_ you? The one you claim to care about so deeply? Wake up, Kakarot! It's so obviously a trick! Frieza doesn't care about you! He **_HATES_** you! He _HATES_ both of us! He hated our race enough to wipe it out along with the planet!"

****

The emperor in question simply glared at the prince, tail twitching in anger and annoyance while Goku sighed. He turned to face his friend, hoping to explain it and put this whole thing to rest.

****

"Look, Vegeta, I've made up my mind and I'm going through with this because I want to. He's not tricking me into anything because I'm the one who proposed to him. He already got his revenge on me and he brought me back afterwards, so I don't think there is anything to worry about. But if this does all turn out to be some game or something, then I'll deal with it all then. Besides, I'm sure you can handle whatever comes your way. As for me though, I'm not worried. He really does care about me in his own way, though I doubt he'll ever admit it. So I know he won't kill me, and I have already forgiven him for everything else. It's all in the past, I've moved on, he's moved on, and I think it's time for you to move on too."

****

Goku turned from Vegeta and headed toward the doors of the church. Gohan and the man who would be conducting the ceremony were walking out of them. Goku stood by Frieza and placed a hand on his shoulder, wide smile adorning his face as he cheerfully greeted the priest. 

****

Frieza simply crossed his arms in a show of indifference before casting a glare over his shoulder at the Prince and slightly leaning into Goku's hand.

****

Vegeta could only glare back, a growl flying out of his mouth, body trembling in anger as his fist shook. He was just itching to pound that smug face in but that wouldn't do anything to solve the problem. He knew the other Saiyan would just defend him, and as proud as he was, even Vegeta knew he couldn't take both of them on at once. Feeling agitated and helpless, he simply held his tongue and watched the proceedings from the sidelines with a stern glare, while the priest brought them all together and began reading from a heavy looking tome. He almost vomited when the man had his rival and his enemy stand before each other and hold hands. The drivel coming from the priest’s mouth held no interest to the Prince, so he simply tuned it out. That is, until he heard one key phrase. 

****

"If anyone has any reason that these two should not be wed, speak now, or forever hold your peace." 

****

The royal was suddenly flooded with renewed motivation and determination, all from that single sentence. If he could convince this fool that the two men he was marrying were indeed ill-suited for one another, then perhaps he could get the whole thing called off. 

****

As he stalked forward and shouted that he had a reason, a thought sparked through his mind. A thought that they may just find some other idiot to marry them, even if this one refuses. But he quickly squashed that thought. He would just go and convince every other person that they tried to get to do the deed. It would upset Kakarot, but he didn't care. It was for his own good.

****

As far as he was concerned, Kakarot was seeing things through rose-tinted glasses. He wasn't seeing the whole picture. He knew that Frieza was nothing more than an abusive, sadistic and heartless bastard. While Kakarot may be powerful, the man was also the dumbest person Vegeta had ever met. He was most likely in an abusive relationship yet again, but didn't see it because he had nothing else to compare it to.

****

Yes. That had to be it. Vegeta just had to keep drilling that point, get others to agree with him and convince the stubborn fool that he needed to wake up and see things for what they were. That he needed to see  _ Frieza _ for who he was, not who he thought he was. 

****

All eyes had long since been shifted to him, as if he were the main attraction and not the two imbeciles trying to tie the knot. Frieza was clearly pissed, but not at all shocked. His family was harder to read, probably because he didn't care about them, nor did he have years around them to learn and study their expressions. The two older Ice-jins just gave him a couple of stern gazes that seemed to be their default looks, while the Saiyan and his family looked shocked. 

****

That left the Namekian who had always seemed to understand Vegeta more than the rest. He was giving him a strange look indeed. It was not the expression that was weird - it was just his normal stoic scowl. No, it was his eyes. Eyes that held multiple thoughts and emotions, all swirling around in his obsidian orbs. The first thing Vegeta realized was that the green bean appeared to expect this from him, that he knew he would scream his objections to the priest and tell him everything. But he also saw a slight amount of pity in his eyes, like he felt bad for Vegeta trying. Like he knew where he was coming from, but also knew that it was a wasted effort and felt bad for him. 

****

That look probably should have given the Prince at least a dash of hesitation, a moment of pause where he rethought his decisions and plans. But not with the proud Saiyan Prince. If anything it only bolstered his resolve even more.

****

"May I ask for the reason for your objection sir?"

****

The armored Saiyan crossed his arms as he stopped a few feet away from the assembled party, confident smirk winding his lips up in his usual manner. 

****

"The ' _ reason _ ' is not some silly single issue. No, it is because of the countless atrocities that man has committed in his lifetime. He has destroyed hundreds of planets, annihilated multiple races, including my own, and to top it all off, has spent the past 15 years at least hating and trying to kill the man that you are now being asked to wed him to. With all of this and more, I think it's obvious what you need to do. Honestly, you should be looking for reasons for why you  _ should _ marry them, not the other way around."

****

The horror that shot across the priest's face was so palpable that he almost looked like he'd seen a ghost. His skin could almost rival the whiteness of Frieza's own, as the color fades away. He cast a terrified glance at the growling alien who he was now being told had murdered millions.

****

"I-I, is this true?"

****

At once, Goku and Frieza both spun on the man, shouting their own answers.

****

"Well, yeah, but I still want to marry him!"

****

"So what if it is?! Your job is to join us, not try to separate us! Now hurry up before I decide to get rid of you too!"

****

The poor man was understandably shaking in fear. He would have run away if only Frieza weren't pointing a fully charged finger beam right at him, threatening to let it fly if he did not give him what he wanted. 

****

Goku was there to place a calm, yet stern hand atop the emperor's. This earned him a glare from the tiny tyrant, Frieza clearly not appreciating the other from keeping him from solving the problem Vegeta had caused. The withering look he gave his lover disappeared as soon as he locked eyes with him however. He had seen the Saiyan serious before, had seen him protective, had seen him angry. Frieza had even seen him looking devastated. But he never expected to see him get like this over something like a trashed wedding. 

****

He had never expected to see him act like this for  _ him _ .

****

Goku gave the pale hand beneath his own a squeeze and let go as soon as he felt the energy dissipate. Once he knew Frieza wasn't going to harm the human, he turned to face his rival who was still sporting a wide smirk. 

****

"Vegeta. I thought we settled this already, but I guess not. I’m going to fight you. If I win, you have to let me do this, alright?"

****

"Sure, but  _ when _ I win, you will not only have to give up this sick fantasy of marrying Frieza, but you will have to let me send him on a one-way trip back to Hell with his family."

****

As soon as the sentence was let out, the temperature seemed to drop despite the sun still hanging high in the sky. The whole world appeared to go silent and still for a moment, but only for a moment. As Gohan was quick to try to step forward and play the mediator, his path was blocked by his father's outstretched arm.

****

"Fine. But let's take this away from here. I don't want to destroy anything or get anyone else involved in this."

****

"Of course."

****

The two Saiyans took to the air, staring each other down the whole time, while the group below them watched from the ground. Frieza sent a death glare and considering shooting Vegeta's back, while Gohan just looked worried, Goten confused, and the Namekian kept his calm stoic look. It was then the group heard a deep sigh and turned to face the oldest man there. He had a deeper scowl than before on his countenance, and his arms were crossed just a bit tighter, fingers digging into the skin slightly.

****

"Wonderful. Not only did I have to sit through my own children fighting like spoiled brats but now I must waste even more of my time watching two Saiyans go at it. I am honestly starting to wonder if this isn't Hell."

****

The next sound that broke the quiet, was a sharp bark of laughter coming from the man's oldest son.

****

"Good one, father. You are correct, it is almost as if we never left Hell. We simply traded one grating prison for another."

****

Frieza had just about had it at this point. He’d had to deal with their judging and endless dissatisfaction with him and his choices all day. Their constant disapproval in their looks and their words. He never even  _ wanted _ them there to begin with, it was all Goku's fault for trying to be thoughtful and bringing them to their wedding. 

****

If there even WAS a wedding to be had after this. At the rate things were proceeding, Goku's victory or not, if he wasn't allowed to threaten the man in the robes into marrying them despite his many crimes and sins, then they would have gone through the entire fiasco that was their day for nothing. 

****

Frieza was so lost in his own anger and concerns that he hadn't even realized that his father and brother were being lectured by his betrothed's family. Well...at least two of them anyway.

****

"Ha, you make it sound so bad, but I'm sure that this is still a lot more pleasant than Hell. Once you head back, I'm sure you'll miss this."

****

"That's right! You shouldn't compare Earth to Hell, Earth is nice, even though I know my dad can be kind of a handful."

****

"Woah! You've been to Hell? Like, for real?! What's it like?!"

****

With a sigh, the youngest Ice-jin lifted his hands to massage his temples in a poor attempt to relieve some of the stress that the day had caused him. He then turned to face the new storm brewing behind him.

****

"What?! You dare speak to us like that Namekian? Did Frieza not prove to you how bad defying us is when he destroyed your planet?"

****

"That’s right, a mere Namekian cannot even hope to hold a candle to our power, especially not to me when you could barely hold your own against my son. Just what do you think provoking us will accomplish?"

****

The light air around the smirking Namekian instantly got washed away as he dropped the smirk and glared instead, an oppressive silence shadowing the men. It was Gohan who once again took charge and stepped up to diffuse the situation.

****

"Hey! Don't talk to Piccolo like that! Look, this is supposed to be a time of celebration and happiness, so let's not fight, alright? Wouldn't want to ruin a magical day for your family after all."

****

The King scoffed heartily, as if the young man's words were the most preposterous things he had heard in his entire existence. This scoff was followed by a short burst of roaring laughter from the two deceased men. 

****

"Child, do you honestly believe that we care about such an event as ridiculous as this? This whole charade is nothing more than a mistake, a blemish on our family's name, worse than anything else we've ever suffered. We did not come here of our own volition, we were forcefully pulled from Hell and dumped off here. We are only here because we are being  _ forced  _ to be here."

****

"Then perhaps you should simply leave!"

****

The silence returned full force, all eyes being cast to short man who had just lost his temper and screamed at his own family.

****

"What was that?"

****

"I never wanted you here to begin with, it was all that foolish Saiyan who decided your presence was required. But you have already dealt enough damage to all involved to dampen this day, and if you truly wish to leave, then please, do not stay any longer."

****

Cooler he snarled as he began to stomp forward, but his father's voice halted him in his tracks.

****

"Frieza, my dear boy, do you understand what you have just said to me? Your father? Are you truly advocating to see your elder brother and I back into the depths of Hell, simply to get us away from your precious wedding?" 

****

Before a single sound could be uttered by the emperor, the Namekian stepped up to stand beside Frieza, clapping a hand on his shoulder and giving a soft smirk of reassurance, before turning to scowl at the taller alien.

****

"That's funny, his father you say? I see no father here, just a couple of men acting like brats and throwing a tantrum. If you want to throw your weight around as his parent, then try acting like one first. I've witnessed enough bad parenting in my time to know it when I see it."

****

Gohan, seeing this as his chance and needing no further prompting, stood on the other side of the shocked tyrant and gave him a light smile, also turning to tear into the two denizens of the underworld.

****

"That's right! Family isn't just about blood ties, it's about who you choose to surround yourself with. You two aren't acting like you care for Frieza at all, and that's not how family is supposed to be! He could just as easily leave you forever and stay with the people that do care about him, the ones he cares about in turn, yet he still made an effort with you both today, only for you to walk all over it."

****

The littlest, and possibly the most forgiving, came rushing up next, ducking and running through the monarch's legs to stand in front of him, almost as if he were trying to protect him both verbally and physically. It was endearing, a bit insulting on some fronts, and entirely unnecessary but overall, much appreciated. 

****

"Look! I don't know what's going on, but if you guys are going to be mean to papa, then maybe you're not as cool as I thought you were!"

****

Considering their family's naming conventions, the blow struck Cooler a bit closer to home than the boy probably knew. This was evident in the way that his eyes widened just a sliver, and the way his body flinched slightly. Frieza was able to get a good chuckle out of it, despite the stress that plagued him so. The tyrant felt a small tickle in his mind, as if someone were attempting to speak to him telepathically, feeling the hand on his shoulder squeeze him slightly and recalling a past mention that the Namekian could communicate via his mind, the tyrant assumed it was him and allowed the contact to be formed.

****

_ "Look, it's obvious how you feel about these two, and I would like to think it's just as evident how Gohan and I feel about them. But regardless of our feelings, everything is still up to you. If you want them here, or if you want them gone. Whatever you decide, we'll follow you on it." _

****

Frieza’s expression didn’t change outwardly _. "Yes, but why are you being so helpful all of a sudden? I'd assumed that you would still hate me, that you were only helping me before with the bonding because it would benefit your young charge. But I fail to see how this union would be something he desires, so I am left in the lurching for an applicable reason to explain the acts of kindness, Namekian." _

****

_ "Gohan cares about his father. He wants him to be happy. YOU make his father happy. That in turn makes him happy. There is no further reason needed for me to help you. If it makes him happy, then I’ll do what I can. Besides, I can help you and still hate you. If you think I ever completely got over my issues with Goku and Vegeta, then you're an even more insane bastard than I thought." _

****

With that, the link was severed. No further discussion was needed, Frieza only needed to think for himself. 

****

_ Did _ he want his father and brother here? No. Not particularly. He despised them both for different reasons. But they were still his family, and they were already here, not to mention Goku seemed to be so insistent on them being here. 

****

What was that phrase again? Marriage is all about compromise? Very well then, he would just have to compromise a bit. 

****

"You may remain, should you feel inclined to do so, but let me make one thing clear. You are to keep yourselves in check, and behave as would befit men of our station. I know you are both quite capable actors. You can put on a calm and agreeable facade easily. So do it now. I do not want to see any more glaring, scowling, snarling or any other assortment of tells to signal your irritation. You will keep your mouths shut if you only have venom on your tongues, especially if it’s about the Saiyan. This is an important event, and I will not have you sully it any further. If you cannot comply with these regulations, then do not let the proverbial door hit you on the way out."

****

Most parents would not let their own child talk to them in such a manner, most would hate having their son order them around, and sometimes Cold was one of those parents. But when Frieza did it with zero hesitation, with such authority and a steel hard gaze, he didn't feel anger at all. No, he felt only respect and pride. 

****

"Very well my son, when you put your foot down so sure of your action, it puts me at ease. You are the current emperor, so we will comply with your demands once again."

****

"Glorious. I assume it goes without saying that this extends to all members of his family as well?"

****

"But of course. That includes the Namekian as well, I take it?"

****

A single nod was all it took to clear the air. The family in discord had reached an agreement, leaving all parties involved to return to their places and await the result of the Saiyans’ battle. Not all were happy with this decision, namely Piccolo and Cooler, as they had both been hoping this would end with the king deciding they would leave. But true to his word, once things were settled, Piccolo was the first to put differences aside and back the tyrant's choice.

****

Meanwhile, Goku and Vegeta had been left to work out their own problems for some time, but had yet to reach a conclusion. The two had been trading blow for blow, kick for kick, and punch for a punch. Both had an unspoken agreement to give this fight their all right from the start, powering up give their hair a blue sheen immediately. This was big, and it needed to be dealt with as soon as possible, once and for all. No punches or blasts were being pulled.

****

The Saiyans had leapt back, dropping from the air to the ground to give themselves a solid purchase to brace against while their beams locked and shoved violently against each other in an epic clash of blue and yellow. 

****

"I don't understand Vegeta! Why can’t you just let this go?! It’s been years already and I know you don’t like him, but he’s changed! He’s not the same guy he used to be when he did it!"

****

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up Kakarot! That bastard hasn't changed at all! He still conquers worlds and sells them to the highest bidder! Just because you think he loves and suddenly regrets wiping out our race doesn't mean he has changed! Besides, I can't forgive him! How is anyone supposed to ever be expected to look the man who killed his father and destroyed his home in the eye and just give up on revenge?! How can you claim to love and WANT to marry someone like that?!”

****

The yellow blast gained a burst of energy and slowly began to overwhelm Goku’s blue, pushing the orange clad man back with the force of the beam. Goku grit his teeth together harshly.

****

"Gh!"

****

"I am not some weak little coward who will just fold and give up avenging my race, Kakarot!"

****

"Forgiving someone doesn't make you weak! It means you're strong enough to look past everything and move on, it makes you the bigger man! And if someone has done something bad, even if it was killing, and they regret it, they should be forgiven and given a second chance! Or even a third chance! But everyone messes up sometimes, including you! That doesn't mean they don't deserve to be cared about! Look at you and Bulma! You used to kill people too, and yet here you are now, married to Bulma with two kids! So why shouldn't we give Frieza the same chance we gave you?!"

****

The mighty Prince flinched at the man's words, blue gaining a second wind and beginning to dominate the struggle as Vegeta's resolve began to waver.

****

"There’s a difference in being an unapologetic mass murderer and never changing and myself! Because Frieza was the one who made me do all that killing! I was forced to serve under him from the time I was born! I killed in his name and acted on his orders! He killed of his own volition! DON’T YOU DARE COMPARE US!”

****

Not giving Vegeta a chance to get his footing back, Goku fired off another verbal missile.

****

" Stop using Frieza as a scapegoat! You can't hide behind that forever, Vegeta! It's in a Saiyan's nature to fight, you would have killed people whether Frieza made you or not !"

****

With every new exchange between the men, Vegeta's foundation crumbled. It was as if Goku could read his mind and knew exactly where to strike and what words to use, to make the mighty Prince's resolve shatter.Sure they could be considered low-blows, but all was considered fair in love and war, and this was a war being fought in the name of love. 

****

And besides, nothing the taller male said was a lie. Vegeta definitely would have still sought to be the best, whether or not Frieza was in the picture. He still would have pillaged other planets and killed anyone who attempted to stop him. He  _ knew  _ that. Everyone knew that, and they accepted him anyway! Bulma still loved him, she still had children with him, despite it all! 

****

He was being a hypocrite and he had been called out on it. Before he met Bulma, he was no better than Frieza. It was only through meeting Bulma and having her constant support, kindness, and unconditional love that he was able to change. But he'd be damned if he gave up now just because didn't have an argument to make anymore. He was still a Saiyan dammit! Which meant he was still a fighter who strove for victory no matter what. With a new source of strength found, he bolstered his power and pushed back.

****

"Whatever! Bulma and I are nothing like you and Frieza! What do you even see in that cold-blooded bastard?!"

****

"Don't try to change the subject thinking it will get you the win, Vegeta! You and Bulma aren't that different from me and Frieza! You just don't want to look too close, because you're afraid of what you'll see!!!"

****

Goku struggled, yet succeeded in lifting a foot and began the arduous task of walking toward his opponent, trying to snuff out the others beam with his own. 

"Frieza is fun to be around, even if he does get angry a lot, and he's a strong opponent to spar with! Just like you! He keeps things fun and interesting, because he still doesn't fully like me, but he'll still set aside his differences to help us against a common enemy! Just like you! But most of all, he's someone who encourages me and pushes me to be my best! Just like you!! So how is it that you think he's so different from you?!"

****

By now, the two were less than 15 feet apart, as Goku glared at his rival. Seeing his opponent had been shaken and wanting to end things so he could get back to Frieza and the others, Goku decided to take his chance. 

****

Drawing upon emotions for power - it was something Saiyans did well – Goku made his last stand. 

****

"And the reason I like Frieza, is none of your business! But if you really wanna know, it's because we complete each other! Whatever I'm bad at, he has it covered! Same for him, if he lacks something, I don't! He's my polar opposite, but I've always felt this weird pull to him that I never understood, but I do now! And I'm not going to give up on it or him! I've never given up on someone before and I'm not going to start now!!!  **_HAAA-_ ** !!!" 

****

With one final push, coupled with Vegeta's diminished spirit, Goku's Kamehameha easily ate through the Prince's Final Flash, burning blue energy hitting him dead on. Then, there was stillness and quiet. The only sound being the panting coming from Goku, who had dropped down to his base form from exertion alone. A moment went by before he was able to steady his breathing and move to check on Vegeta who lay on his back in the dirt, unmoving.

****

Had it been anyone else, he may have worried if he had overdone it and killed them, but he knew Vegeta could handle that and then some. No, he was sure the only things keeping him down were his mind and his pride. 

****

Sure enough, the Prince was perfectly fine, still alive and well, albeit a bit banged up from their fight. His eyes were closed, but he was sure that they were closed more in thought than in pain. 

****

"You don't have to like it, you just have to accept it, Frieza isn't going anywhere. He's going to be sticking around as a part of my life, whether you approve or not. But I would like it if you two didn't try to kill each other anymore. If Frieza gets violent, I’ll deal with it.”

****

Vegeta sighed, hearing the words turn from serious to cheek. He didn't have to open his eyes to know that fool had a giant goofy grin plastered on his face, yet he opened them anyway to give him a stern glare for the comment nonetheless, and sure enough it was there.

****

"You're such an idiot Kakarot." He grumbled, arm reaching out to meet the laughing man's arm half way. Once on his feet, he dusted himself off and clicked his tongue in irritation at the damage he had accumulated during the bout. 

****

"But, as much of an idiot as you are, and as much as I hate to say it, that battle was yours Kakarot. And as a prince, I must keep my word. I will stay out of your way and let you make the second biggest mistake of your life."

****

"Haha, really? What was the first?"

****

"Marrying that harpy. In some ways, that woman was even more detestable and fearsome than Frieza."

****

Goku laughed, Vegeta smirked, and the heavy and tense atmosphere grew a thousand times lighter. The two made brief eye contact, a silent message being shared between them, before they nodded and took off in separate directions. Vegeta headed home to his family to have Bulma treat his wounds and Goku went to his own family waiting for him at the church.

****

Yes, Goku was thrilled that he and Vegeta were able to settle things, but the true miracle would be if he could convince the priest to marry him and Frieza after all that he'd been told.

****

Upon landing, the Saiyan saw Gohan and Piccolo talking to the terrified man himself, seemingly trying to talk him back into doing the deed. The two appeared to be playing a bit of good cop and bad cop. Gohan smiled sweetly and spoke gently, while the Namekian scowled and spoke in short sentences with a gruff tone. It didn't help that Frieza and Cold were glaring at the man as well. The poor guy looked like he was either going to wet himself or pass out, maybe even both.

****

"Hey guys, I'm back!" Goku chirped as he ran up to his oldest son and Piccolo. He threw his arms around their necks and rested his cheek on the Namekian's shoulder, kind smile firmly on his face.

****

"Yeah, we know Goku. We could feel Vegeta heading off in the opposite direction while your power signature was flying towards us."

****

"That's right, so we figured you won and decided to try to get your wedding up and going again for you, father."

****

"Really? That's nice of you guys, but I hope that nobody was trying to force anyone into doing anything they didn't want to do by threatening them. That would be mean, and it would  _ totally _ ruin the whole mood." Goku said loudly. Gohan and Piccolo both held equally shocked faces, as neither had threatened the man in anyway, but once Frieza interjected, it all made sense.

****

"Oh stop, monkey. Pointing and glaring is rude, but they are not threats!"

****

"Haha, they are if they're from you."

****

The emperor smirked and crossed his arms, mirth dancing in his scarlet irises. Goku smiled back for a moment, then turned to the man of the church who had calmed down greatly since Goku had announced his return.

****

"Anyway, I would really appreciate it if you would still marry us. I know Frieza's done some bad stuff before, but I really do want to do this. He's not forcing me or anything, I promise. All that stuff about him hating me and everything…well, it's all in the past. And I'm sure he agrees. But if you don't feel comfortable doing this, that's okay. We can go find someone else who doesn't mind. So it's completely up to you."

****

The man gave a look of hesitancy, unsure of whether or not to believe the man. He looked between the three in front of him, then glanced behind them at the small, evil creature who was currently...pouting at him?

****

Yes, he could clearly see that the anger had dulled to mere annoyance and frustration, as the short male frowned and gave a slight nod. With crossed arms, the tailed man turned away, seemingly embarrassed at going along with the words of his cheery partner.

****

It took a minute of contemplating, as he watched both men before him. Every part of his brain was telling him to refuse. To run away and call the police to report this tyrant. But his heart was telling him to do this for them, for love. It was painfully obvious how the two felt for each other, and it was just as much his job to bring together two people in love as it was to keep those he felt were truly toxic together, apart. 

****

These two both seemed happy together, and they both said that all the transgressions had happened in the past. So, with one final sweeping gaze over all the people gathered for this union, he let out a heavy sigh and swallowed his nerves.

****

"Would the two grooms please come stand together?"

****

The look of joy that shot across the three Sons faces was like that of a child on their birthday, while Frieza himself let out a slight sigh of relief. Gohan and Piccolo moved back to the side, as Frieza stepped up to stand next to Goku. However, as soon as the priest asked that they grab one another's hands, the tyrant objected, arms crossed and eyes stern.

****

"No. This time, I will be doing things my way. Continue on, but I will not stand here holding hands like a child. I do not need to prove anything to you."

****

When the priest gave Goku a frazzled look for help, he saw the gi-clad fool still smiling away as if this was some sort of an endearing action that he had expected. So he simply let them be and continued on with the procedure. This time, without any interruptions or objections. When it came time for them to finally seal the deal with a kiss, both were hesitant but for entirely different reasons. 

****

Frieza, being the one who constantly overthought everything, was not looking forward to kissing his mate in front of his family, both old and new. He did not want to ruin his image nor did he want to kiss Goku on the lips since they had so rarely done so, and he wasn't sure how it would turn out. 

****

What if something happened that Goku messed it up in front of everyone? It wouldn't be the first time. The simple-minded simian had screwed up multiple times before when kissing on the lips. He even had the audacity to bite down on his partner's tongue once because Frieza had 'surprised' him, and he didn't know if he was being attacked or not, so his instinctive reaction was to defend himself by biting down. 

****

Meanwhile Goku was simply afraid to kiss Frieza because he looked upset. He had learned the hard way that if he got affectionate when the little leader was in a sour mood, he would quickly find himself on the receiving end of a barrage of Death Beams. Which normally was fine, but not right now. Goku simply called out to the tiny tyrant, attempting to get his eyes off the ground and on him. 

****

"Uh, Frieza? You okay? We don't have to do the kiss part if you don't wanna, right?" Goku turned to the priest who gave him a puzzled stare. Frieza stared at Goku in disbelief for a second but his eyes quickly narrowed in ire.

****

"Hmph. Do as you wish monkey. But as I said earlier, I have no need to do anything to prove myself to anyone here. Not even you."

****

Where most people would see this dismissive act as cold, rude and unloving, Goku saw it as Frieza's nonchalant way of giving him control. Of granting him permission to make the first call and decide what they would do. So, the Saiyan chose to bend down, grab the lizard like male by the chin, tip his head, and place a chaste kiss on his purple forehead. It was short and sweet. Goku felt awkward glances on him and his sideways aimed look confirmed that some had turned to face away. Frieza himself blushed in both embarrassment at being treated so pure and gentle, as well as in frustration at being made to look so submissive and shy.

****

"I pray the gods above will watch over your marriage for as long as you both shall live. Best of luck to you both. And with that, the ceremony has concluded."

****

As the priest's words rang out loud and clear, the men began to shuffle away at a laid-back pace. First the two Ice-jins, then the two halflings, then the Namekian. Just as Goku was about to follow them, he felt a hand catch his in a tight grasp and yank him back.The Saiyan blinked owlishly and gazed over his shoulder, only to see Frieza watching the retreating form of the priest as he headed back into the church. Once the man was gone, the lizard gave a quick survey of his surroundings, and when he was sure the coast was clear, he lunged forward, turning Goku around and planting his lips firmly against those of his now husband.

****

Husband. The word had such a nice ring to it when he thought about it. With this thought and more swirling around in his cranium, the ruler fisted both hands into the collar of his lover's gi, pulling him down lower and holding him in place. He stood on the tips of his toes, attempting to meet the man halfway and get more contact as he tried to heat things up by introducing his tongue to the mix.

****

To Goku's credit, he didn't bite him, even though he  _ was _ extremely confused and a bit shocked. He simply blinked a few times, allowed his partner to do what he wanted and kissed back gingerly as Frieza ravaged his mouth as he pleased.

****

Finally the tyrant pulled back and gave the man the much needed opportunity to breath, smirking all the while at his handiwork, easily able to tell how much he had shaken the other up and relishing every second of it. And without a word, the petite emperor waltzed off after the others, leaving Goku seeing stars during the day.

****

When the tyrant caught up with the other members of their party, he was quite surprised to see them all getting along. Yes, he had ordered that his family behave with Goku's, but he hadn't expected that he would find his brother having small talk with Goku's eldest son, while the younger brother used his father as a jungle gym and asked him a bunch of juvenile questions. Goten was currently seated on his father's shoulder, fiddling with his halo as he shot off queries about what it was like to be a king, and his father didn't even seem to mind. 

****

Frieza didn’t catch what Gohan and his brother were talking about as they were both speaking at a much more reasonable volume compared to the loud, nearly screaming voice that was Goten's. 

****

After a few moments, Goten seemed to get bored with his father, and decided to run over to try his luck with Cooler, causing Gohan to instead engage the king in a conversation. Once again, his father proved how personable he could be, serenely exchanging words with the older half-breed, both seeming to have a good time.

****

Although the same could not be said for Cooler and Goten as the Ice-jin was scowling and refusing to allow the boy to climb all over him, leading to Goten whining and annoying the man even more. He almost looked as if he wanted to kill the young tyke, but either due to the death glare he was receiving from the Namekian who stood nearby overseeing the whole interaction, or because he knew his father had promised they would both behave and didn't want to get in trouble for not listening, he refrained. 

****

The whole thing left Frieza blinking in awe at what he was witnessing, mouth slightly open, body shocked into stillness, unable to find any words. His family, BOTH families, were getting along. It was unthinkable, ridiculous, impossible! But it was happening, and it left a warm, light feeling bubbling up in his chest.

****

He could have stayed frozen in that spot all day, had it not been for the large warm hand that clapped down on his shoulder, and drew his gaze away from the scene to find Goku smiling at him with serious eyes. The tyrant closed his eyes in peace and chuckled as the man came up to stand beside him. A small smirk finding its way to his lips, he allowed himself a rare moment of reprieve and leaned slightly into his husband’s side. 

****

Yes, this truly had been a roller coaster of a day, mentally, physically  _ and  _ emotionally. But watching the moment before them - different races from different classes and different walks of life all together and getting along despite past issues - made Frieza feel as though it may have all been worth it. 

****

Perhaps he would even consider attending one of those Earth holidays Goku had prattled on and on about once before, and even think about inviting his family along as well.

****

THE END

****

BONUS:

****

After an hour or two of socializing, Gohan and Piccolo had taken Goten home, leaving just the newlyweds and the dead men together. Funnily enough, the four found themselves ending their day right where it had all started in the first place: Baba's palace.

****

Frieza and his father had hung back a bit closer to the entrance to talk, while Cooler had immediately gone inside to try and get away from everyone. Unfortunately for him, Goku either didn't realize this, or he didn't care, as he rushed inside after him. Frieza and Cold heard snippets and screams coming from inside the rounded structure.

****

"Aw come on, we're brothers now, right? So can't we just get along?"

****

"No! Absolutely not! I do not wish to be friendly with some filthy Saiyan ape! Besides, I do not even get along with Frieza! So what makes you think I would play nice with the likes of you?! Just let me go back to hell already!" 

****

Normally the two men would sigh at what they heard, especially when the building started shaking from the explosions happening inside, dust falling in a haze around them. However, after all they had been through, the two simply chuckled instead.

****

"Well father, it has been quite interesting seeing you again. Rest assured; the empire is in very capable hands."

****

"Indeed, and I trust it will not suffer in anyway and that its expansion will not be hindered by tourney life."

****

"Of course, who do you take me for? Cooler?"

****

The two shared another laugh, before biding one another goodbye. Cold went inside to collect his older son and head back to their eternal damnation. A moment later, Goku walked out with his arms crossed and a pout on his face.

****

"Next time I'll get him to agree. One way or another, I will get him to be my friend!"

****

"Just give it time, dear. As much as I loathe to admit it, you have a charm about you that draws people in. Eventually, he will come around as I have. But, a word of advice: do not force it too hard. Sometimes I still really wish to kill you for your constant friendly acts and presence," spoke the tyrant, as he gave the Saiyan a quick peck on the lips, eyes dancing with mischief and mirth.

****

"Haha, really? Even though you love me?"

****

"...Yes. Especially because I love you."

****

_ FIN _

**Author's Note:**

> Im very sorry this was so bland and long and awful. I deleted things and rewrote things so so SO many times, but I could never come up with anything I was happy with. So I had to just go for what was passable, otherwise I would have never gotten this done and posted. It also would have taken me at least another 4 or 5 days to edit this monster before post it, if it hadn't been for Maggisakura swooping in like a guardian angel and crunching this thing for me for 2 days. Everyone thank the guardian angel for this please. And as always tell what you did or didn't like so I know how to write the rest of this series. I need direction people!


End file.
